Shelby Ruman MS, LPC
Parental burnout is defined as a physical, emotional, and mental state of exhaustion. It is caused by the stressors of parenting among other life stressors that leave parents feeling overwhelmed and detached. Burnout can happen when the tasks of parenting feel like too much or even when someone may be feeling inadequate as a caregiver. Some may struggle to maintain the tasks of employment, caregiving, household chores, and relationships.
When parental burnout happens someone may find that they are running on empty. Their own self-care and maintenance may fall short due to using what little energy they have left to care for children and family. Disappointment or guilt with one-self and feeling like a “bad” parent can also be common.
A contributing factor of parent burnout is the pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Modern parents are often expected to excel in every area of life. They are encouraged to be attentive caregivers, successful professionals, supportive partners, and active community members all at once. Social media has only intensified this pressure by presenting idealized versions of family life that can make ordinary parents feel inadequate. Many parents compare themselves to these unrealistic standards and begin to believe they are failing when they cannot keep up.
Some other things that can cause parent burnout include a high-stress job that takes up a lot of cognitive space. The number of children can also create more tasks leading to more stress. Lack of support can increase parental burnout giving a parent less chances for time to do other needed tasks. Poor boundaries can also lead to burnout, this can include boundaries with children, work, or others. And lastly, unrealistic expectations can also be linked to burnout. It’s alright to not have it all figured out. The laundry and dishes can wait, “me” time is not selfish, and saying no to activities when exhausted is ok.
How can someone recover from parental burnout?
Call a friend or family member – having people in your circle can be helpful. Reaching out for help can be hard, but we don’t have to do things alone.
Join a support group – parental burnout is not uncommon, chances are there are parents all around you struggling with similar things.
Let go of unrealistic expectations – don’t compare yourself to parents on social media. Also, find positive social media accounts that emphasize parenting as an imperfect journey! Being present and supportive is more important than showing up “perfectly”.
Take breaks – start small. Utilize the time that you have. If you only have a few minutes to yourself in the shower use it wisely, take deep breaths and pause for a moment. Bring your favorite snack or drink to sports games or the park.
Practice self-love – Remember that parenting is not for the weak and that you are doing your best. Change the negative self-talk to positive and treat yourself nicely!
Seek out help when needed – if you are feeling burnout and can’t seem to get out of the “funk” contact someone. Seek out help from a therapist.
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