The Five Love Languages: Think about a time you felt truly loved

May 15, 2024

Written by Sarah Petzold, MA LCPC 

Think about a time you felt truly loved and cared for by your romantic partner. Perhaps you’re envisioning the weekend getaway you shared at the lake house, where you and your partner shared a romantic meal after a day sunbathing on your boat. Maybe you’re thinking about the exhausting day you had at the office last week, when you came home to your partner cooking your favorite meal. Or quite possibly you’re thinking about all the times you’ve cuddled up on the couch at the end of a long day and felt the safety and comfort of being in your partner’s arms.

Everyone needs love. It’s a universal human emotion that each person craves. But people are incredibly different, and everyone experiences love in different ways as highlighted above. Whereas one person might love hearing compliments from their partner, another would rather experience a long kiss or hug. In his book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman highlights five languages in which partners can give and receive love. Below, I’ve listed each of the love languages as well as a few examples of each.

Words of Affirmation: Expressing appreciation and praise for your partner.

a.  Saying, “I love you” or “I appreciate you.”

b.  Expressing how much your partner means to you.

c.  Sending a loving, thoughtful text to your partner during the day.

Quality Time: Spending undivided attention and meaningful moments with your partner.

a.  Having a meaningful conversation with your partner.

b.  Doing an activity together, such as going on a walk or a drive.

c.  Actively listening to your partner when they’re speaking.

Receiving Gifts: Giving and receiving tangible symbols of love and care.

a.  Gifting your partner flowers just because.

b.  Giving your partner shells from the beach where you both vacationed.

c.  Gifting your partner their favorite snack at the end of a long day.

Acts of Service: Doing helpful and thoughtful things for your partner.

a.  Filling up the gas tank for your partner.

b.  Cooking your partner a meal.

c.  Doing the dishes because you know it’s your partner’s least favorite chore.

Physical Touch: Showing affection and intimacy through hugs, kisses, and cuddles.

a.  Sharing an intimate kiss at the beginning and end of the day.

b.  Holding hands while on a walk.

c.  Cuddling with one another on the couch.

Understanding your own love language(s) can help you communicate what behaviors and actions are most meaningful to you. Likewise, understanding your partner’s love language(s) can help you more effectively express your love to them, in a language they understand. The more you and your partner learn to communicate your needs and understand each other’s needs, the more your relationship will grow and flourish. Falling in love is easy, but staying and growing in love requires effective communication, effort, and a daily commitment to choose one another.

If you and your partner feel you would benefit from talking to someone about communication concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us.